Meaningless
by caffeineaddict13
Summary: He snaps his arm back angrily. “No, Bella, I think I do.”


**A/N:** If the Jacob/Bella confrontation and the end of New Moon happened differently. Charlie isn't home, and Jacob tells the truth.

--

"Jacob?"

Her voice cracks on the end of his name, making it high-pitched and broken. She feels Edward's grip tighten on her waist and he murmurs insignificant words (_comforting_ words, but she can't seem to breathe normally anyway) into her ear. She almost laughs at the obvious difference in his honeyed tone from her own jagged one.

Jacob's tall frame leans casually on a tree trunk, his face a hard mask. He nods curtly when she questions his presence (like she _couldn't_ recognize him), his lips a stiff line.

She begins to walk forward and Edward pulls her back. Jacob's face morphs for a split-second into anger (hurt?), before it becomes unresponsive again, quick enough that she could've imagined the change.

"No," she says, the word coming out harsher than she meant. Softer now, "It's okay. Really."

Edward still looks unsure but she puts her hands on his cheeks and kisses him, carefully, tenderly, and he gives her hand one last squeeze before whispering, "I'll be close," and disappearing into the night.

She treads slowly nearer to the forest, watching as Jacob's harsh expression remains still and frozen. She stutters out his name again and he swallows, ringing his hands in a familiar gesture that makes her want to hug him.

"Is it…" she tries to find words that _won't_ upset him (_them_), before realizing that it's impossible. "Are you here to say goodbye?"

He chuckles darkly and it _scares_ her. "I didn't realize you were leaving," he says, staring at her with an expression that is too old and too cruel to belong to him.

She finds it hard to meet his gaze and focuses on the branches above his head. "I'm not. But…" she breaks off. A breeze wavers in and creates goosebumps on her arms; she shivers and tries not to remember what his skin feels like. "I will be. Soon."

"Yeah?" his face contorts into anger and she shudders. Is this all for _her_? She didn't realize she could make him feel like _that_. "Well, bon voyage, I guess."

She takes a step closer to him and the wind blows again, sending his scent towards her, strong and sweet and wet. She reaches her hand forward tentatively to touch his. "Jake, you don't have to—"

He snaps his arm back angrily. "No, Bella, I think I do."

Her face crumples and she wraps her own long arms around her chest, trying to protect the gaping whole that has suddenly emerged. She surprises herself with it's reappearance—she thought that with Edward home, it had been _fixed_. "I…" she breaths deeply and wipes at her eyes. She doesn't want Jacob to see the tears. "I wish you wouldn't. I just don't…I want us to be friends again."

He snorts and rolls his eyes. "That's not very likely, Bells."

She wants to comfort him, to hold him, and she stretches her fingers out again, quickly enough that she manages to graze his hot skin. He jumps like he's been electrocuted. She bites her lip and tucks her hand back.

"Bella…" his voice is softer now and she looks at him. His eyes are the same dark, warm brown that she remembers, but sadder—less _alive_, somehow. "I just _can't_," he whispers. "It hurts too much."

A tear falls before she can stop it and he places his too-big hand on her cheek to catch it. His touch is rough and familiar and he lets his fingers rest there for a moment. She closes her eyes and takes a breath, trying to fix the feel of his skin on hers in some safe place in her head. She doesn't want to forget this.

"Jacob, I—" She chokes on the words, and _hates_ herself for it. She's said it to Edward a thousand times over, and yet when it matters, when it _really_ matters, the words get caught in her throat and she coughs, trying to force them out.

He shrugs. "Yeah. Me, too."

He walks away then, his red-brown back facing her, his black hair moving gently with the wind. She watches as his figure grows smaller. When it is gone, she turns around and staggers towards her truck, staring at Edward's pale face in the window. Her legs are heavy and she is so very _tired_.

He pulls her into his side and smoothes down her hair as she cries; hard, ugly sobs that wrack her tiny body into pieces.

An indefinable amount of time later, when she has calmed and the hiccups have disappeared, he presses his frozen lips against hers and she mumbles "I love you" against his kiss.

She realizes that it's only hard to say when she _means_ it.

--

**END**


End file.
